yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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