Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
