U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
