woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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