i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
