he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
