OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
