he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
