Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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