she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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