Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
