White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
