Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
