Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
