Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
