I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
