I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just invented taco cereal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
