Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
