Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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