Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
