Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
