we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
