we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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