$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
