look no pants
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Found the puke drawer
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
