That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
