Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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