4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
