Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
