I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
