I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
