Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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