Taylor Swift is so right about you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
