Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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