That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
