I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
