hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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