And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
