Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
