I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
