my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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