I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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