A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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