I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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