My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
her vagine was all disorganized.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
