never play flip cup with pint glasses
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
