ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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