I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
