marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
