he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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