You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
