just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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