the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
