It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
