Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
